He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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