Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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