New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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