When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize