dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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