I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
