she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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