SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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