we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize