went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
