wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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