So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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