he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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