i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
