Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
