Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
