I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i've created a new STD.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
