Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
