sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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