Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sobbing to NWA
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
