There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
