I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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