WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We are all done wearing pants today
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize