i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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