I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
