found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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