From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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