she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
