Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
