Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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