Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
