Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
