In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
