I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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