U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
