I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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