It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
