One girl and one boy is just not enough.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
