No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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