God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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