Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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