well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't turn off my feet"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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