How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
