Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You dont lie about slip and slides
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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