I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
