i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
