plz talk dirty to me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
