I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
