We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You made out with two different species that night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
