the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
