maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
