never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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