I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
handjob tips. give me some.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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