im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
4 words: hood of his car
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
