We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
