I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let's paint friendship bongs
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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