so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
