I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
