FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
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