i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
