Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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