see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
