Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize