i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize