You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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