im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
