P.S. I can't hear my feet
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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