god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
