I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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