Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
