I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
