they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's blow job season.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
