Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
