I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
