She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
