I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
