So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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