Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
