i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
